Materialism is the game the ego plays, while it strengthens its addiction to life

Did you ever ponder a reason to contemplate death starting from there. In pure ego we see reality through the eyes of somebody denying their own impermanence. The ego's inherrant nature is to preserve the 'self.' That is why heavy-ego'd people die scared, and light-ego'd people die peacefully. Therefore, the contemplation of the deeper reality of "death" may be a healthy part of our prayers and meditations.

Things and stuff can play a wonderful role in the denial of my my own impermanence. If I lose myself in the chatter of my bank account, my car, my ipod, my house, and my reputation then I never have to face another layer of me underneath. Additionally, I may not even know there's a ME in the silence without the stuff. Any mention of it must be voodoo. So, does that mean get rid of stuff? You're not getting my ipod without a fight. A resounding NOOOO! is the answer. The greater truth is that my stuff is what I borrow and nuture (Like my body), it does not define me. So enjoy those toys, take care of them, but do not allow identification through them.

Why is a challenge so beautiful?

A friend asked, "How do you stay positive after slicing four shots in a row into the trees," when discussing golf.

Why must we stay positive? His question seemed to imply that we're 'suppose-ta' stay positive in order to be happy or find success. I see 'positive' kinda positively, but it doesn't do enough for me toward true inner peace (IE. Success). I mean, it helps us get some traction in accomplishments and doing things that are extremely vital to a balanced existence. Peeling the onion, however, one needs to understand that when the journey is appreciated, the problems are accepted. It just turns the ego upside-down, man. It literally goes into another layer. However, we haven't even scratched the surface.

In addition to appreciating the journey, we must fully accept our impermanence. Because in order to fully connect with appreciating this life for what it is, we must fully connect with what this life isn't. And life is temporary. Reflecting on the impermanence gives us appreciation for presence.

So, lets move backward now. How do I prepare my mind to accept the problems that I encounter, so that I will be truly prepared to meet the problem? What is "truly prepared?" Science knows that in a negative state of mind our brain utilizes a more primitive mind. The primitive mind helps us certain ways, but not for higher reasoning. That occurs in the fore-brain. So you kinda want that part available when problems arise. It stands to reason that if I train my brain to use less negativity regularly, success will be the secondary result. The practice of loving-kindness trains my brain to win battles- WHOA!! It's so counter intuitive.

So, back to the original question. I don't think we need to stay positive in the face of a disastrous performance on the golf course. It appears that if we engage the mind in appreciating the error, we will be more present to create (Fore-brain, higher reasoning, creative mind) what we intend.

The interesting thing is that it's so simple to know, and so difficult to be. That's why they call it practice!!

It's all in the name

What is an Integrator, anyway? Here's my best understanding of who I'm claiming to be...



First off, let me give props to Ken Wilbur and Don Beck for bringing the concept of integral consciousness to the forefront. As the Integrator, I'm attempting to understand all states and stages of consciousness. Why? I think a better question is- why not? I get a great sense of fulfillment in life through understanding human consciousness. We are the most fascinating species that I know of. Ya, even cooler than dolphins. No other creature comes so close to understanding the nature of the cosmos, biology, physics, and art like we humans do.

I believe that the only way we, as a species, have any chance to survive is to understand where we are now. And that means understanding how we interpret the world and ourselves.

Every great teaching has a map. For the integral approach. One of the maps is called Spiral Dynamics. Check it out on youtube. It a video that discussed bipolar disorder as well as spiral dynamics. But, Its the very best basic description. The explaination starts at 4:38.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSvKByYOPdo.

It all came back to center in a moment

We generally "Take a moment" every evening as we sit down to eat dinner. Tonight was a special experience. As Amy looked deeply and presently into my eyes to prepare for our 'moment,' I felt a wave through my heart. Ya see, my mind was very active, going on and on about the stresses of this modern economy. Additionally, I was ranting on about some trivial complaint about why this world isn't perfect. And I got a glimpse, through eyes of Amy, of how presence is experienced.

In an instant, my whole experience of the world shifted. It was a palpable shift from worry to acceptance, from anxiousness to presence, and from scattered to focused. I think this human experience is precious enough to enjoy some acceptance, presence, and focus on a day to day basis. Amy reminded me of what's important. Sometimes I remind her. Thanks Amy! I'm enjoying this life with you.

To T.O. or not to T.O.

The T.O.'s (Timeouts) are Caleb's nemesis. I find that the decision and length of time of T.O.'s easily flow when my mind is in a good place. However, it is when my mind is occupied by stressors that I second guess my T.O. decision-making. Maybe Caleb should put me in T.O. I mean, what makes me right and him wrong.

This morning was a good example. Amy was hanging out with Caleb downstairs on the floor. I woke up thinking about my pile of paperwork and numerous other tasks that need to be done on my only day off. I proceeded downstairs to greet my family. I walked up to Amy and Caleb with a smile and a "good morning" greeting. Caleb was very happy to see daddy and expressed his excitement. I took that as an invite to grab him and throw him around a little. Let me put it this way - he doesn't always enjoy rough-housing as much as his father does. So he whined profusely. That, according to me, deserves a T.O.

Guilt emanated through my blood as Amy protested my methods quietly, so Caleb could not hear. Regretfully, I defended my position of putting Caleb in T.O., pointing to it's effectiveness. And, Caleb CAN'T just whine his way through life, can he? My position became more solid in my mind as I alienated myself from what is important- The balance of kindness and discipline within the family unit. I was attaching myself to the discipline- This is called REVENGE.

Yes, I realized that the T.O. came NOT from a natural consequence of Caleb's behavior, but from my desire to punish. 'Revenge' was something I began to stare at inside my mind. So, upon staring, I was able to see it. Once it was seen, it was diffused.

Caleb was upset with his T.O. and understandably holding some level of resentment toward me. This is where things got interesting. As soon as I started writing this, I truly connected to my error, and began to feel humbled. Caleb was sitting next to me on the couch watching Sunday morning cartoons. It was just about the same time that I felt humility when Caleb randomly turned to me and asked for a "Nice, big hug." This is not some common occurance that he does on a regular basis. This was more interesting beyond my ability to explain. Balance has been restored to the Gold household, for the moment...