The T.O.'s (Timeouts) are Caleb's nemesis. I find that the decision and length of time of T.O.'s easily flow when my mind is in a good place. However, it is when my mind is occupied by stressors that I second guess my T.O. decision-making. Maybe Caleb should put me in T.O. I mean, what makes me right and him wrong.
This morning was a good example. Amy was hanging out with Caleb downstairs on the floor. I woke up thinking about my pile of paperwork and numerous other tasks that need to be done on my only day off. I proceeded downstairs to greet my family. I walked up to Amy and Caleb with a smile and a "good morning" greeting. Caleb was very happy to see daddy and expressed his excitement. I took that as an invite to grab him and throw him around a little. Let me put it this way - he doesn't always enjoy rough-housing as much as his father does. So he whined profusely. That, according to me, deserves a T.O.
Guilt emanated through my blood as Amy protested my methods quietly, so Caleb could not hear. Regretfully, I defended my position of putting Caleb in T.O., pointing to it's effectiveness. And, Caleb CAN'T just whine his way through life, can he? My position became more solid in my mind as I alienated myself from what is important- The balance of kindness and discipline within the family unit. I was attaching myself to the discipline- This is called REVENGE.
Yes, I realized that the T.O. came NOT from a natural consequence of Caleb's behavior, but from my desire to punish. 'Revenge' was something I began to stare at inside my mind. So, upon staring, I was able to see it. Once it was seen, it was diffused.
Caleb was upset with his T.O. and understandably holding some level of resentment toward me. This is where things got interesting. As soon as I started writing this, I truly connected to my error, and began to feel humbled. Caleb was sitting next to me on the couch watching Sunday morning cartoons. It was just about the same time that I felt humility when Caleb randomly turned to me and asked for a "Nice, big hug." This is not some common occurance that he does on a regular basis. This was more interesting beyond my ability to explain. Balance has been restored to the Gold household, for the moment...
This morning was a good example. Amy was hanging out with Caleb downstairs on the floor. I woke up thinking about my pile of paperwork and numerous other tasks that need to be done on my only day off. I proceeded downstairs to greet my family. I walked up to Amy and Caleb with a smile and a "good morning" greeting. Caleb was very happy to see daddy and expressed his excitement. I took that as an invite to grab him and throw him around a little. Let me put it this way - he doesn't always enjoy rough-housing as much as his father does. So he whined profusely. That, according to me, deserves a T.O.
Guilt emanated through my blood as Amy protested my methods quietly, so Caleb could not hear. Regretfully, I defended my position of putting Caleb in T.O., pointing to it's effectiveness. And, Caleb CAN'T just whine his way through life, can he? My position became more solid in my mind as I alienated myself from what is important- The balance of kindness and discipline within the family unit. I was attaching myself to the discipline- This is called REVENGE.
Yes, I realized that the T.O. came NOT from a natural consequence of Caleb's behavior, but from my desire to punish. 'Revenge' was something I began to stare at inside my mind. So, upon staring, I was able to see it. Once it was seen, it was diffused.
Caleb was upset with his T.O. and understandably holding some level of resentment toward me. This is where things got interesting. As soon as I started writing this, I truly connected to my error, and began to feel humbled. Caleb was sitting next to me on the couch watching Sunday morning cartoons. It was just about the same time that I felt humility when Caleb randomly turned to me and asked for a "Nice, big hug." This is not some common occurance that he does on a regular basis. This was more interesting beyond my ability to explain. Balance has been restored to the Gold household, for the moment...
2 comments:
I very much enjoy your musings. Welcome to the blogging world. I have used this format as a great form of therapy many times... A perfect venue to articulate my feelings and experiences in a manner that causes me to choose my words carefully. AND nobody can interrupt me while I'm doing it! Glad to see you have found the merits of this form of communication. I look forward to reading more.
Thanks for cristening my blog!!
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